It’s been one week and 4 days since the one year anniversary of my dad’s passing and I think I’m finally realizing that I have been in a funk for the last 11 days. It has been a really tough year for me in general, but I think that as that date was getting closer I found I was isolating myself more. So if you are reading this and you feel that I have been somewhat distant socially, it’s not you it was definitely me.
If I’m being honest with myself, this last year did not go exactly as I had planned. I spent more time avoiding the people close to me so that I didn’t have to acknowledge my feeling of loss. By trying to not put myself in situations where it would be obvious my dad was no longer with us, I thought I could fool myself into thinking that he wasn’t really gone, but only that we just hadn’t talked in a while. The reality of it all is that he is in fact gone and I have to accept it and begin to move on and realize that doing so doesn’t mean I have to forget.
So ends a year of mourning (ok, maybe a little bit longer…) and now to try to mend some fences with people I haven’t been keeping in touch with. It will not be easy and it will not happen overnight, but this is me acknowledging that I was grieving in the only way I know how to and that is the first step back for me.
Dad – we have had the first Thanksgiving, the first Christmas and New years, the first of each of our birthdays, the first Father’s day, Mom’s first Mother’s day and your first birthday without you. We have now had the first anniversary of your passing and while we continue to live out our lives to the fullest, it doesn’t mean we love or miss you any less. We will always think of you when we are alone, together as a group or trying something new. We will never forget you. You will always be with us in our hearts.